Auteur : cassandreriviere

Aging is hard on the rebellious

My mom was never very good at acceptance. She would always start by saying no. Getting old, however, is not something you can refuse forever. And in old age, the peaceful, submissive, fatalistic kind of women (and men, but mostly women) fare much better than the rebellious kind. She was never good at accepting her defeats, and she sees aging as a defeat. Does it have to be so? Can’t you see it as a process, with some physical limitations, but also some improvements ? Moral betterment maybe ? Working on what to transmit, and transmitting it ?

They fall asleep oh so quietly

Every night, it takes me a whole hour to put my children to bed, event 90 minutes on some days, from the moment when I say « ok, let(s go brush our teeth » to the moment I return to the living room. Sometimes I feel it’s very long and I could be doing many other things, but the truth is that I love those moments.

My children are 2.5 and 5. We read a story or two in my bed, and then they fall asleep there, with me. Their dad reads the stories with us but leaves shortly afterwards. As for me, staying with them as they go from jumping little frogs to wiggling worms to cuddling kittens, in the dark, just enjoying their presence and physical closeness is something I love, even if it’s long, some days very long.

But being there when they whisper incomprehensible stories to themselves or make their doudous dance, climb on my belly, try to sleep there, go back down on the mattress, and finally stop moving, little by little. I try to notice the very moment when their breathing slows down and becomes that of a sleeping child. And they fall asleep oh so quietly. Just being there fills me with peace.

Sometimes I fall asleep myself and dream of a big enough bed for the four of us, of a room that would just be a huge bed like this one.